Random Bits 4
by Nashiil
Summary: UPDATED!It's a beautiful day for sightseeing in Bevelle, or it was until Tidus goes over the edge!
1. Chapter 1

Title: Random Bits 4 - Chapter 1

Setting: Now that Sin has been defeated, Yuna takes Tidus sightseeing in Bevell.

**St. Bevelle Palace** - Yuna and her Guardians are doing a little sight-seeing, and things are about to go horribly wrong. At least for one person.

Yuna could not explain what had happened. One minute Tidus was recounting the horrible wedding tale and Yuna's heroic escape, and the next he was wobbling on the edge of the terrace. On the other hand Auron knew exactly what happened and could describe it in great detail. The little sin spawn, aka. Spawn of Jecht, aka. Tidus, (Jecht was Sin, so technically Tidus is a Sin Spawn.) was flailing around and gabbling excitedly with the vocabulary of a six year old, complete with sounds taking the place of words. He had climbed up on the edge of the terrace where something that not even Spira's greatest psychics could have foreseen happened (no matter how long they spent meditating under icy waterfalls and fasted). Tidus fell.

As Tidus' arms pin wheeled comically in a vain attempt to keep him on the terrace, Yuna felt strangely calm. She even had time to contemplate whether she was married to Seymour or not. The ceremony was a little rushed, but completed, so did she really get married? Was it still legal if you were forced into it? Since he was dead was she considered a widow? If she were to get married to oh, say...Tidus, would she be able to wear a white dress? Would it be considered adultery?

Yuna's mental Train of thought was effectively derailed when Tidus lost the fight with gravity and toppled over the edge, only Lulu having the presence of mind to attempt to stop him. There were various degrees of horror/fright/concern, dancing across her companions' faces as Wakka and Auron ran to where Tidus had fallen. Well, it would be wrong to say that Auron ran. He never seemed to run for or from anything. It goes against the Cool-Battle-Hardened-_Slightly_-Older-Legendary-Guardian image. (Also being Unsent tends to put you above the threat of bodily harm.) It would be more appropriate to say that he 'hurried'. Kimahri and Lulu stayed back to shield Yuna and Rikku from unnecessary ghastly sights, i.e. mangled, broken, splattered, or 'chunky' corpses.

"Is he alive?" Rikku quavered, her voice several decibels above what a dog can tolerate. As it was, Kimahri's ears flattened themselves against his skull in an attempt to prevent his temporal lobe from exploding. Before Auron could lean over for a look, a familiar sound drifted up on the breeze. It was a giggle followed closely by the word 'knockers'. Against all odds, Tidus had landed squarely in the ample stone bosom of one of the many statues decorating the tower, (Okay, I know there were no statues on the tower of Bevelle, but its my story and I can have statues if I want to.) and was clinging tightly, grinning like an adolescent who found his dad's Playboy magazines.

"Hold on Tidus! I'm sending Valefor." Yuna shouted, while her companions scattered to give her room. The Aeon alighted next to her Summoner to receive her ritual pat.

"Quickly, over the side!" Yuna commanded. Valefor launched into the air, glided towards the parapet, banking in preparation for her dive, then veered sharply to the right and soared up to the highest point of the tower. Yuna gaped, dumbstruck, at the Aeon perched high on the tower, looking for all of Spira like a fish attempting to breathe air.

"Valefor! You have to save him!" Yuna cried, stamping a foot in frustration. The Aeon turned her back to her Summoner and glared over her wing, letting Yuna know that she would do no such thing.

"I guess she loathes him for the Giant Cat incident." Lulu said

"Hey you'd better hurry, Yuna." Wakka interjected, glancing over the side. "I think I see finger marks in the marble."

"I just hope no one sees him." Auron groaned. "All we need is a bunch of priest to condemn him for molesting the High Summoners' statues..."

"Too late." Lulu said with a hint of amusement in her voice.

Auron reluctantly peered over the parapet to see a sizeable crowd gawking and pointing, while Tidus attempted to wave to his audience.

"I love knockers!" The blonde shrieked, drawing wild applause from the crowd. The crowd didn't know what knockers were, but they had to be more exciting than hours of prayers and chants. The Legendary Guardian noticed that most of the people were young novice priests. He wondered how many of them would give their inheritances to dangle from Tidus' current handholds. Lulu snorted when Wakka leaned out and waved to the crowd, earning a ringing silence.

"I'll try Bahamut." Yuna called, leaning over the parapet and causing Kimahri's fur to stand on end in fright.

"Uh... hurry. I'm slipping!" Tidus called back, a hint of desperation in his voice. He had had some time to see how far the ground was while entertaining the crowd. He had also had time to see how many hard ledges were waiting to hinder his descent.

"Can't you shorten it up a bit?" Lulu asked Yuna as Bahamut made his grand entrance.

"No! No!" Yuna cried, waving her arms in dismay as the Aeon attempted to land. "Just fly over the side and pick him up!" The draconic Aeon managed to abort his landing and dive over the wall of the tower. He spotted Tidus clinging to the statue and glided in to pluck him off. It was a routine rescue up until the little human began kicking and screaming. Bahamut hovered in bemusement as Tidus vigorously fought his rescue attempts, unwilling to relinquish his grip on the statue. He hung tenaciously, ignoring his friends shouts to let go, and twisted to kick at Bahamut's claws.

Bahamut flitted around the flailing human in utter bewilderment, wondering why he was behaving so strangely. He finally got his claws on him and pulled gently to avoid tearing the stranded human in half. (It had happened before with a fluffy orange kitty.) The boy must have been terrified, the Aeon decided as Tidus managed to hold on to the statue with both his hands _and_ his feet. Seeing that Yuna was becoming more distressed with every passing minute, Bahamut closed his eyes and yanked.

Tidus came free with the screeching of fingernails on stone and, to the Aeon's relief, in one piece.

"What on Spira is he doing?" Lulu muttered as Yuna and Rikku began giving instructions to the much set upon Aeon. Bahamut was desperately trying to hold on to the bits of Tidus that kept slipping free. It was like trying to hold on to a wiggling Jell-O Jiggler. (If you don't know what a Jell-O Jiggler is, you're missing out!) Sensing the impending disaster, Kimahri materialized behind Yuna and Rikku, a massive paw clamping on each girls' shoulder. Silent as always he drew them away from the edge, Lulu following in his wake. Pushed beyond the limits of tolerance for the stupidity of others, Auron shouted at Tidus. It was a warning that Auron would later realize was a complete waste of breath.

"Stop struggling! You're going to make him drop---!"

He watched as the boy plummeted to the ground with much less grace and a lot more screaming than Yuna had.

The audience of priests below scattered in a symphony of screams, which was completely unnecessary. Tidus landed on one of the outcroppings several levels up with a smack, 9998 appearing in the air above him. As he unsteadily staggered to his feet a brick struck him on the head, removing hisone remaining life point. Auon and Wakka leaned over to stare at Kimahri, who was wiping dust from his paws. The Ronso grinned sheepishly. Unnoticed by anyone, Bahamut flew up and landed on the top level, stood a few moments in isolated embarrassment, then inconspicuously dismissed himself.

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Yeah, I know the beginning sucks,( blows, bites, or whatever word you young kids are using now) but I promise chapter 2 will be better! How about a sympathy review for Bahamut?


	2. Chapter 2

I want to appologize for taking so long to post this chapter. I had to give my own personal laptop to a friend(in the hopes that he can fix it), and I had a 15 page term paper due on Tuesday. Yesterday, I had 5 of the 15 pages complete. But anyway, I managed to Steal some time to use the school computer to post this! Happy reading, and I hope this chapter makes up for the delay.

--sad Nashiil

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Title: Random Bits 4 - Chapter 2

Setting: Now that Sin has been defeated, Yuna takes Tidus sightseeing in Bevell.

**St. Bevelle Palace** - The Guardians are discussing rescue plans, of a sort.

Rikku dropped a Phoenix Down over the stone parapet while an argument broke out over the best way to get Tidus back up. Auron was leaning towards letting him get his own self back up, while Lulu and Kimahri both agreed that they should use and Auto-Life (the one Tidus had acquired from a dare) on him, then knock him off the ledge with Wakka's blitzball. Of course Yuna was against any plan that would hurt Tidus. The arguing continued while the covey of priests regrouped, ready for the next rescue attempt, shouting helpful suggestions like "Jump!" and "Push him!"

Rikku and Wakka volunteered to fly the airship as close to the ledge as they could get, and drop a rope down for Tidus. Yuna was the only one who realized that Wakka was going to do the actual flying. (Rikku was too short to reach the pedals and Cid was lost in the temple somewhere in search of a bathroom.) She was about to point out that Wakka knew as much about flying as a two ton brick, but Kimahri put a heavy paw on the Summoner's shoulder and shook his head.

Sometimes it was best to let stupidity run its course.

It wasn't until the ship wobbled unsteadily into the air with an inexpert revving of the engines, and all the grace of a bloated seagull, that Auron's brain kicked itself. The veteran Guardian cursed as he remembered that Wakka was an Island bumpkin and knew nothing about flying (unless it involved a fork). The Guardians on the tower and the priests below watched in terrified fascination as the airship bobbed ponderously up from the deck, Wakka and Rikku's squabbling voices screeching over the intercom, and crashed into a nearby building, wallowing to a halt in its ruins.

Yuna looked at Lulu, who was wiping a hand over her face; embarrassed to be standing on the same continent as the man, then back to the crash site. She waved to Rikku and Wakka who emerged from the top of the ship, wheezing and blaming each other. Yuna turned to Auron next, but found that he had vanished, probably in favor of a more normal Guardianship. She leaned over the wall, causing another colony of gray hairs to sprout in his fur, (Seeing Yuna jump off a tower once had been more than enough.) and spotted Auron. Wakka was busy directing him as he attempted his own rescue. She leaned out a little more to see what Tidus was doing.

The youth was currently dancing around on the small ledge for he entertainment of the priests. He yelped in surprise as an arm thrust itself through the wall a few feet away from him.

"Farther down." Wakka's voice floated down. Tidus looked up to see his friends peering down at him. He realized that from this angle he could almost see up the statue's robe. Maybe if he turned a little to the right...

"Don't move Brudda!" The Auroch's captain shouted. "Auron's comin' for you."

"Right there Auron. No, more to the left." The arm withdrew and thrust back out, this time a little closer, and slapped against the wall.

"Left. Left. Go left. Left! Lefter!" Wakka shouted in frustration, trying to direct Auron to the blond.

Fed up with Wakka's inept directions, the Unsent Guardian stuck his head through the wall. He glared around and spotted Tidus standing at the edge of his perch, dancing and posing. Just to see if the priests remembered the boy, he grabbed the back of his pants and yanked. The clasps snapped open and Tidus stood a few seconds in blissful ignorance as the priests screamed at the unHoly sight. Most of the senior priests began shaking their fists angrily. Yep, they definitely remembered him. Realizing that there was breeze where there shouldn't have been one, Tidus relived that Temple Pantsing, only it was a thousand times worse.

Auron didn't give the boy time to recover. He dragged the mortified teen backwards towards the wall.

The Legendary Guardian passed through the wall, mentally muttering to himself, only to find that his progress was suddenly halted. He looked over his shoulder to see that his arm was stuck firmly in the wall.

For several minutes Auron attempted to yank Tidus through the wall behind him, before finally realizing that the ability to pass through solid objects was only inherent to the Unsent. He pondered this revelation for a moment, then banged Tidus against the wall a few more times, ignoring his broken protests. For future stupidity, yeah, that's it.

Auron stuck his head back through the wall catching the dying echoes of laughter from the priests. He grinned into his collar at the sight of the little yellow stars orbiting Tidus' head.

"I can't pull him through." he shouted up to his companions. Yuna gave him a look that suggested that it had been obvious after the first try. Rikku, who was bouncing excitedly next to Wakka called out "Try the window!"

Auron glanced to his right and saw a small (at least by temple standards) window. He scowled at the window, blaming it for ruining his fun. He gave Tidus just enough time to get his pants fastened before grasping the odd straps and ghosting back through the wall. He only thumped the boy against the wall once this time, and made his way down the hall towards the window.

It presented and odd sight when viewed from the outside. Tidus appeared to be scooting horizontally along the temple wall, traveling slowly towards the window. (Actually, he was being 'scraped', but 'scooting' works just as well) As he dangled in his own pants, desperately trying to avoid bisection, he managed a bright smile and an embarrassed wave for Yuna.

After a bit he began to scoot diagonally as Auron hit the stairs. Everyone cheered when Tidus was finally yanked through the window to safety, the moment taking on a celebratory mood as a small flock of white doves took flight, startled by the sound of the smack from the Hand of Justice hitting the back of Tidus' head.

Kimahri was looming behind Yuna with his ever present predatory scowl when Auron and Tidus finally made it back to the top of the tower. "Here." Auron snapped as he thrust Tidus towards Yuna, who waited for the inevitable lecture. Auron told her the same thing he had always told her when she was little.

"You should be more careful with your toys."

The End.

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The bathroom is down the hall to the left. Leave a review on the way out(and don't forget to wash your hands!). 


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